I took Tues-Thurs in vacation time. I go back to work tomorrow. It came at just the right time this little bit of leave. Today was day 4 in this little journey of Lent-like obedience. I had no clue why I was doing it. But four days in, I know exactly what this deal was all about.
Why I doubt God I will never know. But I suppose that's part of what my post about grief was all about. The grief was safe because in that place that became familiar, I didn't have to step out in faith. I didn't have to believe a God that is hard to understand, difficult to wrap my brain around and not containable in the boxes I place Him in.
To go back to that wild, risk-taking faith means that I have to be okay again with not having answers. I have to be okay again with His silences. I have to keep pressing forward when I don't understand, when I may not get my way and when He asks me to worship Him in the midst of pain.
I may not understand. But like the song above says:
Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always
My God will come through always. Always.