February 3, 2013

Your Love is a Song

"The cure for anything is salt water - 
sweat, tears or the sea." ~ Isak Dinesen 

I escape to the ocean on days like these. I need it like I need air and water. I’ve always been this way. I came by my love of the sea honestly. And my artist Grandma taught me that it could be a source for an artist, a source of inspiration. But when my heart is sore and tired, I need it more than normal.
                In the dark moments, when all of the grief comes rushing in and those that play fast and loose with your emotions, win . . . the sea is a constant. It never disappoints and it always reminds me of eternity. The crashing of the waves is always the same. The waves hit the shore over and over – the repetition overwhelming.
                But overwhelming in a comforting way. I’m overwhelmed when I stand in front of the sea with a simple truth: the God of eternity loves me. The God that thought up this magnificent ocean that has been crashing waves into the shoreline since time began, loves me. Me.
                My heart is sore and tired right now. I’m so susceptible to having my heart yanked around. I fall so easily. I wish it wasn’t so. I wish my heart was stronger. I wish that I could see the game before it starts being played. Or that I could see outside of myself, further up the path, and put the brakes on before I’m standing in my walk in closet, wrapped in towel, my wet hair dripping all over the place, as I pray yet again, “Please fix this. Fix my heart.”
                So I stand at the ocean. The waves rush the shore. Over and over. The waves crashing – it’s like a song. I close my eyes and breathe in the salt air and listen to the song. I listen to the song He sings me. The one where He tells me that I’m His beautiful daughter. The one where He tells me that He won’t change who He made me to be but that He will protect my heart if I would only let Him {which I never do}. It’s the same song He’s been singing to me since I was a little girl with a packed bag by the front door, looking out the giant picture window in our living room for the man that would never show.
                I’m a stubborn sort. My head is hard. And the years have made me more so. If only I’d just remember what a beautiful, kind God He is, I think I’d save my heart a whole lot of trouble. But as I walk along the beach, I’m grateful that as many times as I run back to Him, the ocean still speaks of this never ending Love. Over and over – it never changes. I go back to that place and they crash again and again. Whether I’m there or not, they’re still crashing into the shoreline. Whether I am seeing it or not, His love for me never changes. He is faithful when no one else is. And my heart is safe with Him.

“Your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me
Oh your love is a song”
- Switchfoot